As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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