I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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