Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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