one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
