can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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