At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
