We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
