So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
