Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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