I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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