Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
