look no pants
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
