Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
