what day is it and did you see me today?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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