it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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