he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
