Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
