i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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