I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
