the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
