the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I love having hate sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
