Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When did angry sex become our thing?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
