I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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