Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
