Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
