Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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