he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
