Apparently you make a good broom.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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