It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
