Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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