therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
