Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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