just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
