I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
