How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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