I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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