so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
