i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
