i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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