I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
