saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
