I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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