pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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