I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
