Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
