I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
