careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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