I like my sex mixed with concussions.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
