Heybabeimwearingurpanties
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
