Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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