At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
