she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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