After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
