Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
