she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
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You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I party with great urgency now.
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