Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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