Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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