I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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