I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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