Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
