All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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