you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
