Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize