Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
