i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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