my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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