everyone is single if you try hard enough
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
